Hey-o peeps, how’s it hangin? It’s been awhile (AGAIN), but I have to get this review up whether I feel like writing or not because I made the video waaaay back in September, and I promised a review on my page in said video, and so I can’t post the damn video without writing my review and now it’s November and it’s snowing. Whatever, let’s go with it – sally forth!
Okay, so to those of you who have never received a FFF box, this may be a bit exciting and informative. Probably not though. For those of you who have, it’s old news anyway, skip to the next post…oh, wait, that one’s not there either because I got a fancy-pants computer to do my blog/vlog and I haven’t been doing it! Consistency is key, right?
Anway, so the box…oh, the box. First of all, be warned – FFF starter boxes are NOT full sized boxes! I learned this the hard way and spent most of the day I received it moping like it was something that actually mattered. I googled the spoilers first, of course, because that’s what I do; I don’t know why I didn’t clue in at that point that it was only a mini-box, but I didn’t. So it was a bit of a shock when I saw this little box on my doorstep. On top of that little jolt, when I opened the box I realized that Google had lied to me. For serious. And my therapist thought I had problems before…if I ever go back to see her I think we’re gonna need more than an hour for this one. My wallet feels lighter just thinking about it.
Let’s move past that…so the first thing you get in the box is a magazine that basically tells you what’s in the box, and some other little tidbits about beauty and healthy living and yadayadayada. Next you get a little note that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, and this note also tells you exactly what’s in the box. Just in case you needed extra assurance. Kinda takes away the whole surprise thing for people who like that, but what did I care? I already knew what to expect…except that I didn’t. Because Google lied. Okay, okay, I’m over it…not at all. It’s still fresh. Let it go.
The first surprise that I pulled out was this:
It’s a…wait for it…leather eye mask. Yep, that’s right folks – a sweet leather jacket for your peepers. It’s also…wait for it again…vegan. You heard me. It’s leather, it’s vegan, it’s more confused than Chaz Bono on a good day, and damn this thing REEKED! It smelled like it came from a fish market. Seriously, it was horrible. There’s a little gel pack in it that you can stick in the fridge, so that’s a plus, but this thing smells so bad it’s basically unusable. Unfortunate, because the design is pretty, but this thing needs to figure out what it really is (beef? plant?? fish???) and then go have a shower. Also, it came from Texas. Which made the vegan leather thing even more confusing. So there’s that.
It’s a little flower-shaped pouf that has body wash already infused in it, so you can exfoliate and cleanse yourself without having two separate products. It’s pretty cool; I’m still using it so it does have staying power, and it smells good. I feel like it would be super handy for travelling, so that’s something I’ll be keeping in mind for the next time I don’t go anywhere. You have to give it a few tries to get past the initial texture…it feels kinda hard and sticky, but once you use it a couple times is softens right up and why does my brain always go there?! I’m laughing so hard right now, I just need a minute.
Break me off, show me whatcha got, ’cause I don’t want no ooonnee minute man…
Isn’t that cute, an extra belly button! You need to-
GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER AMD WRITE DAMMIT!
Missy Elliott and 20 Fingers are competing for space in my head right now, it’s like the best remix ever. Ok, I’m good, where were we? Right, so it softens up to a nice spongy texture that makes it easier to lather. Eeny weeny, teeny weeny, shriveled little…bubbles. Lovely little bubbles. Ahem.
Hand cream. It’s a pretty tube of hand cream. It smells okay at first sniff…but then you put it on and it’s like one of those weird scents that doesn’t go away and just follows you around everywhere. It’s super-sweet and cloying – you keep smelling it even if you don’t want to. You can’t stop. You just keep smelling your hands as you make a barfy-face. It’s also greasy…my hands are always pretty dry and this stuff didn’t really absorb…it just kinda hung around, smelling like too-sweet-something with just a schmidge of pee, and making a mess of my touchscreen. Now that I think of it, it reminds me of a toddler, only temporary and washable. Win!
The Grand Finale:
A tote bag. Now this was the one thing that Google had my back on, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that I received the coveted blue and white striped tote as opposed to the black and white stripe that apparently nobody wants. It’s a good bag – I can fit an entire weekends worth of crap in it and it’s cute to “tote” around…get it? I kill myself. Don’t repeat that to my doctors. Anyhoo, so the blue and white stripe supposedly has a more “nautical and classy” vibe, so props to FFF for sending me that one.
And that’s it. That’s the big reveal. I did have a small issue with the fact that I got a notification a couple weeks after receiving the starter box that my FULL-SIZED fall box had shipped…that was unexpected, considering I don’t recall ever actually asking for a subscription. If you want to hear me bitch more about that situation though, you’ll have to head over to my YouTube channel; I’ve made my peace with it now. So there you have it. Short, short, short, sh-sh-shor-
SORRY! I’m really, really done now. Promise.
SHORT, not-so-sweet, and to the point. For more detail, again, I’ll shamelessly plug my YouTube channel – check it out, hit “subscribe” and “like”. You know the drill. And stay tuned for my super-late and as yet unfinished video and review of my full sized box!
Stay fab peeps,